Excursions

I love taking portrait shots of my daughter. Her expressions are the focus, and everything blurs away in the background. Anyway, what matters to me is my daughter’s smile or the lack of any. Each expression more priceless.

I hope to live my life in the same manner, in portrait mode. Put things that matter to me in focus. Blur the sidelines into the background. It might be messy around me. It always is. But to let it impact my perspective towards the moment or not is my choice.

So a friendly reminder for myself - put what matters in focus. Make the ugliness that surrounds me the blurred background. It may only heighten the charm of the moment.

And as with photography, not all perspectives can be portraits. But some certainly should.

Every service wants to be everyone’s favourite. But what the makers are working towards is being favoured. Or popular. There is a minute but significant distinction between those two.

It is easy to market something subjective, which is what the latter is. “Best…”. “Most liked…”. “Hottest…”. How often do we hear those words in advertisements? The former, on the other hand, is binary. Objective. You are either someone’s favourite, or you are not. More often than not, people won’t know what their favourite something is. Ask someone for their favourite movie or a book, and she can’t put her finger on one.

Being a favourite is also singular. What point is being just one person’s favourite? You can’t market that. Of course, as long as the someone in question is not famous.

I wonder if seeking to be someone’s favourite is more satisfying than trying to be popular to everyone.

Seth Godin made this observation in one of his latest posts. Well, it’s not about satisfaction but the ease of selling.

Choices are abundant these days - more variety of cuisines, more brands of clothes, more range of devices, more solutions. More of the same, yet different in imperceivable ways. More is good, right?

Not when the dread of choosing paralyses me. Making a selection demands brain cycles, both while and after choosing. It needs time from you. If there is real money involved, the process is even more demanding. Fear of regret kicks in then.

Is the other one better? Cheaper? Would I hate this later? Will my family hate me for choosing this? Will this improve my life? Each question is more complex than the previous one.

In the false hope of “saving” time and money, I postpone choosing. My unmade decisions pile up, and so does the burden on me. It is a vicious cycle – I delay choosing because I feel vague pressure, a choice that only adds to my burden.

Not choosing is a choice too. Make it your default, and it will only make you weaker.

Whenever I pick up a call on my watch and talk to my wife, I am happy.

Whenever I scan or tap my phone to pay for stuff, I am happy.

Whenever I click a button on my smartphone to capture the best of the moment in front of me, I am happy.

Whenever I beam my voice to my daughter in another room as if I am next to her, I am happy.

Whenever my lights and plugs switch off on schedule or on my command, I am happy.

Whenever I push a photo or video from my phone onto a larger screen for my family to enjoy, I am happy.

Whenever I watch my dad live as he excitingly shows me a new shirt or a new faucet, I am happy.

I am happy when my phone guides me around a place, known or unknown. Alerts me of road closures or diversions. Reads the text in front of me. Or helps me with my quick queries or requests.

The list goes on.

And I am only talking about the capabilities of the devices on me. I am surrounded by technology that brings a smile to my face every day throughout the day.

I can be frustrated by the things these gadgets cannot do well (or can’t do at all). Or I can be angry with them when they alter my habits against my will.

But just as the technology is at fault for not acting responsibly, so am I for not using it sensibly. When I wish the technology to alter itself to not burden me, I share the responsibility to find ways to not be controlled by it.

Do I have enough levers? That’s debatable. What isn’t, though, is my love for technology.

With many avenues of tracking and improving my well-being already around me, I have decided to make the best use of them. I know I am not good at maintaining a healthy routine for any meaningful duration. Yet, I want to give myself another chance to succeed at forming one by constant nudges and tickles.

A reference to Whole Life Challenge with its pointed question “What is healthy to you?” front and centre came in handy. The tagline, “don’t try to fit health and wellness into your life. Fit your life into the context of health and wellness” resonated with me. I always had the tools that allow me to track my progress towards a healthy lifestyle; with the recommendations from this challenge, I know what I need to track. I am not undertaking any challenge, but I am going to follow along.

So, I am tracking the seven habits – nutrition, hydrate, exercise, mobilise, sleep, well-being and reflect. With health apps from Samsung and Google, I make note of everything I eat, being cognisant of my diet. I don’t want to cut down on anything yet, but just understand what goes in. Keeping myself hydrated is not a problem I face, I drink enough water regularly.

Though I already do the running and stretching pretty regularly, I am now consciously walking while carrying out the daily chores instead of riding my motor scooter. Though I can’t sleep with a watch on, I now manually enter my hours of sleep. Sure, I miss out on the detailed reports of my sleep pattern, but this is better than nothing. With the bedtime mode scheduled on my smartphone, the screen goes greyscale, reminding me to rid myself of the clingy device. It helps!

Building a habit for well-being has been difficult for me. Meditation, the only well-being activity that I know of, never stuck. I can meditate, but I don’t do this with the right spirit. The constant thought of “am I doing this right” keeps pestering me throughout, and I know I’m not doing it right. Well, who knew there are other well-being practises too – picking up a book, reaching out to a friend or organising a dishevelled space. Ah, now that I can do. And do well.

All said these are early days. I am just a week into tracking these habits and I have already missed out on a couple each day. (I am using a wonderfully simple app, Loop Habit Tracker, to track these). But I am allowing myself the leniency.

This week saw the schools and offices welcoming the students and employees in-person, and I realised I have entered the post-lockdown phase of the pandemic now. For a body and mind that has gotten used to the sluggish at-home routine, the rush-filled days are exhausting. I haven’t gotten used to this routine yet.

It isn’t as if I am working more. Rather, I must be working a lot less than what I was when I could focus more at home. For the majority of the times, that is. But the mere fact that I am at the office floors surrounded by the buzzing coworker space makes the stay tiring. I can see the same behaviour in my daughter. She was extremely pumped to join the school, and still is. However, even she is drained once she arrives home from the school. Well, her reason might be different – surrounded by friends new and old, she is bursting with energy. She has missed her classrooms. And the busy routine. There’s satisfaction on her tired face.

Is it all bad for me? Well, to be frank, not at all. I have enjoyed the company of coworkers in the last week. The way we work when we can interact face-to-face is very different from when it is all virtual. We take many decisions without planning and booking a time on the calendar; as a result, we close more discussions. The virtual mode of working restrained us through the need to over-plan. Over-schedule. It’s surprising how free I felt when I could simply walk to a person and talk.

Sure, the away-from-home routine has impacted my reading and writing habits, too. Well, to be frank, those habits are impacted for quite some time now. I need to get back, find a window to think in this hectic, unsteady life. It’s not new to me, but it’s funny how a couple of years at home has made me forget the office lifestyle. What was the work-life balance that we talked so much about, again?

Well, that’s a thought to ponder over some other time.

---

This post was sent as an introduction for this week’s issue of my weekly newsletter. I have realized the updates I begin my newsletter with every week get lost once it is out. So I intend to publish these as individual posts also.

Whenever I wake my daughter up in the morning (thankfully, I don’t have to do it every day), she has this habit of pushing her face further deep into her pillow and just raising her one finger. It conveys just one more minute, Dad! It’s so adorable, and freshens me up every time she does that. And I play along as a dutiful father.

It doesn’t matter for how long she has been in the bed. She may have slept a good 10 hours of good night’s sleep, she still has her finger up when I go and wake her up. It is the sleep that she gets in the extra minute that’s dear to her.

We love this little game of ours. When I knowingly wake her up early, and she knowingly raises her finger up. When that minute is up, I act tough and pull her out of the bed. She knows I am acting. I know she knows. Both of us wear a smug smile on our faces.

“Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life,” goes a mantra for success – an adage that is unfortunately overrated, though. A person can’t always do what she loves to do. Rather, there are very few fortunate folks who do just what they want to do in their life. An extension to that adage is love what you do. Well, nor can one always love what she does. Rather, most folks hate what they do. They do it because they have to do it.

“Passion is the genesis of genius,” says Tony Robbins. Aha, that is precisely the reason we aren’t surrounded by geniuses. The majority of us are stuck doing something for which we have no passion.

That is such a cynical attitude, you say? Sure. But, it also is the reality of our world. Should we then give up? Far from that, actually. What one should do is to find out why they are doing what they are doing. For some, it might be the money. Or a sense of comfort. For many, it might be the best among the available options. Find peace with what you do. That is the first step to reach a phase in your life when you can do what you love to do.

There is also the fact that what you love can very well be temporary. It takes time to find your passion. What you think is your passion may very well be a fleeting interest. As Derek Sivers reminds us, we can’t always depend on our current opinions.

(Our) former self is not always right. We shouldn’t preserve our first opinions as if they reflect our pure, untarnished, true nature. They’re often just the result of inexperience or a temporary phase. Old opinions shouldn’t define who we are in the future.

It is the contentedness, though passing, that matters the most. Do what makes you feel contented, what gives you a good night’s sleep.

That said, there is, of course, another way. Stick to what you are passionate about. Switch paths when your passion changes. There will be hardships because doing what you think you love is not easy. But being satisfied never is. Be firm, stay strong.

So, which way do you prefer?

Since my niece was born on this day three years ago today, the new year celebrations have been quite unfamiliar for us. The whole world celebrates along with us as she grows a year old, every year. Or so we have convinced her and her parents. This year is no different, albeit a tad muted. But still, the folks all-around plan to celebrate.

Knowing how all my plans for 2020 were mercilessly crushed by the pandemic, I had no expectations from 2021. I knew it was going to be more of the same dreadful cycle of panic, despair, and hope. At the same time, I also wished I and all my dear ones sail through, see the end of the year.

As I sit here today, looking at the year gone by, all I can do is smile. It began with a phase as dark as my family had ever seen. But it brought us all close, gave us the courage to stay strong. We got back on our feet, stronger. We learned to live with the virus, masked whenever outside. Vaccinating ourselves. Slowly, gradually, we wandered, unhesitant, outside our homes. Each one of us established our own new rules, routines, and traditions around travel.

We met our friends, got nostalgic for the days that we had left behind. We got hungry, got drunk and laughed our hearts out. I witness my office welcome my colleagues, the floors, and pantries reverberating with grumbles again.

I am fortunate I could do all of that. And a lot more. That I watch my crazy friends share their plans for celebrations with booze and snacks. That I would watch the skies light up with fireworks one more time. I am fortunate that I am about to get ready and join my family to celebrate my niece growing older by another year.

And if you are reading this, know that, in one way or the other, you are too. Just look back and find out why.

Resilience. And kismet. The two words I would remember 2021 by. Wish you a happy new year, you all!

---

Artwork by David Wirzba on Unsplash

Every time the grinds of the daily life take toll over me, I travel to a place close by with my family and friends. The last weekend was another such occasion.

I love this place not because it is a perfect family getaway (that it is), but because it is easy to travel to, and so there is not too much planning needed. Most trips get burdensome by the sheer pain of planning so much, so ahead of time. I enjoy the travels where that’s not the case, especially when I have no interest to be a typical tourist and go spot hunting.

The purpose of one’s visit is what matters at the end. If it is to find out everything of interest in a place, sure, go sign up for a hectic few days. Even I do that at times. But, why do that when irrespective of how much you roam around, you can never cover all the interesting places, anyway? The tourists flocking around an attraction kills it for me. It is just a place of business. I prefer the turn en route where no one halts. Or the point which hasn’t got any fancy name yet.

Anyway, I know every nook and corner of this resort I stayed in. My family and I have visited every spot of interest in the place, and so can selectively just visit those that affect us. We did just that this time, too. Maybe, I am different. I am glad that my family is just like me. Crazy different “tourists” that travel for the experience, not with a checklist!

Here are a couple of more pictures from the relaxing trip.

I feel I have been struggling to find quiet time to read and write recently. I can blame it on many things, but I know within that I am to blame for this feeling. When I get time, I waste it. I convince myself that I need to relax first to get in the groove before I can write or read. I have been relaxing for a few weeks now, and it has only made me more tired.

This leaves me frustrated. Lazy consumption of other’s work is meaningless if it does not trigger any thought. I do that the most these days. I read, but I do not think. I write, but they are shallow thoughts. When do I spend time to churn a few ideas? To word them into something profound? You should write what feels right, I understand. But if it is only the deserts you chomp on, you won’t feel satiated after a point.

I need action, both to my mind and my body. Isn’t it curious that long phases of inactiveness can slowly wear them down? Both readily slide back to their lazy defaults. I need to be strong to push back and to make them move their asses.

Without that, what I have is a dull mind and a couch-clinging body.

Isn't it odd that we can't decide on a consistent content rating system across all the countries? I know I have ranted about this a many times before this. But I just can't wrap my head around the fact that we, supposedly smart humans, haven't figured out a way yet to addresses such a trivial aspect of our film watching experience.

How difficult is it to say that this content is made for children 6 years and above? Or 13 years and above?

I know. I'm ignoring the fact that all nations are not governed the same. They have individual definitions and expectations of freedom. Oversimplifying the problem at hand may not take us anywhere. The least I can do at least is to check which countries handle this rating problem the best.

I find it fascinating that Turkey has the simplest content rating system. These are the rating — General Audience, 6+, 10+, 13+, 16+, 18+. Austria is in the same league — Unrestricted, 6, 10, 12, 14, 16. Russia's not too far behind, too — 0+, 6+, 12+, 16+, 18+.

India has a simple range — U, UA, A, S. But those characters are meaningless. How is one to map them to the age of the child?

United States follows an even more muddled system — G, PG, PG-13, R, NC-17. That's complication is unnecessary. It's unfortunate that those are the ratings that are most widely followed.

A couple of curious cases. South Africa has these categories — A, PG, 7–9PG, 10–12PG, 13, 16, 18, X18, XX. Plus these sub-descriptors — S, L, V, P, N, H, D, SV. Wow! I am sure a significant post-production budget goes towards arriving at the right rating for a film.

And finally, of course, China. It has no official rating system. There are only two categories — suitable for all ages and banned.

---

Here are a few additional observations and a proposal. 6, 16 and 18 are the most commonly agreed boundaries for the films. Only a few countries have any ranges beyond 18.

So, if we manage to find an agreeable boundary between 6 ad 16, we should be able to cover major countries with these ratings — 0+, 6+, 12+, 16+, 18+ . I am sure folks smarter than me will find a better way of conveying all why this system should work. Or convince me why this will never work.

It was exactly a year ago that I had posted my thoughts on a few key questions. The idea was to capture how I was doing right then. It was a welcome and much needed introspection. I didn't want to miss on the opportunity to revisit the answers from the last year and see what has changed.

It was a nice exercise. My thoughts a year back were so quite unfamiliar to what I am going through today. So, here's an update to the same set of questions. Again, I would love to hear how you are doing.

How are you taking care of yourself today?

Regular exercise and daily meditation. Reading a lot more fiction and non-fiction. I'm still listening to music and many audiobooks. Staying far away from news.

What part of your shelter-in-place residence have you come to appreciate the most?

Garden at my home. The wooden swing at the top floor that overlooks the garden.

What surprising thing have you been stocking up on (that isn’t toilet paper)?

Biscuits. Lots of them.

What’s a story — from a book, a movie, an article, a conversation — that you’ve been gripped by recently? Why did it capture you?

Nothing grips me any more. Maybe I have grown numb?

What habit have you started, or broken, during the quarantine?

I have stopped staying awake late into the Friday and Saturday nights. That was one habit I had, stay up late either mindlessly watching something or working on side projects.

As an effect, I am following a pretty routine. Get a calming and wholesome sleep.

Which specific place in your neighborhood are you most looking forward to visiting once this is all over?

Again, every part of the neighbourhood. Especially malls and the restaurants.

What’s the easiest part about the quarantine?

Getting bored. And getting creative.

What are some things you have realized that you don’t really need?

Cash. And fancy clothes. What I wear at home is often good enough even outside.

What’s something you own that feels useful?

Kindle. Headphones.

What is your COVID-19 nickname/alter-ego?

Calm workaholic.

What problem—either yours, or something more global —do you wish you could solve?

Global Stupidity. Political Divisiveness. Natural Selfishness.

I updated my /now page today after a long time. I usually maintain a thought's archive as part of the page for the updates that are no longer relevant. The idea behind is revisiting the thoughts that once were at the top of my mind is another way for me to retrospect.

Today I've reset that section for 2021. And below is an unadulterated list of the thought archive from 2020 -- so in a way a snapshot (incomplete, sure) of the year that went by.

• I’m trying to get into a habit of regular meditation. I want to give it a chance again.
• I'm in love with the Hamilton soundtrack. I keep going back to it every now and then.
• Study Café Album on Spotify has been my go-to album every time I want to focus. If that fails, the real café ambient noise from Coffitivity does the job.
• I have started writing frequently now. The simpler writing workflow with WordPress is helping.
• Need to get the backup solution for posts (probably in WordPress) addressed.
• Focus on deciding on the format, the frequency and the tone of the newsletter.
• Where would my blog go next? Or will it stay here? It would most probably not be WordPress
• I want a better writing interface. Or maybe not? Why do I want to create something perfect myself?
• Need to get to the improvements planned for Wall.
• Read. Read. Read. Write. Write. Write.
• I need to finish the couple of books I had started reading in the last month
• Implement a micropub client. Get anything working. Without UI. Dropped the idea
• Getting used to the new normal.
• Write about and share details about Wall. Feedback and issues.
• Get IndieLogin working -- just been too long now
• Get distracted with the side projects, again. IndieWeb's done.
• Start reading and writing again
• Stop procrastinating items from *must-do* list
• Fix issue with webmentions from Brid.gy
• Send webmentions to target on replies/likes
• Support for updates in blotpub
• Decision on upcoming nearby travel
• Handle crossposting to Twitter and Mastodon for longer posts
• Style webmentions section to my liking. It is too bloated in the current form
• Start `\now` page to be updated regularly
• Consolidate all my online content onto a single place (*most probably blot*)
• Move old content from Hugo to archive (a Hugo site)
• Change stuff around

1. A bowl of hot instant noodles

2. An hour of reaction videos on YouTube

3. A pack of Lays late at night

4. That episode from Seinfeld or Friends

5. Idling away morning hours in the bed

6. That planned "sick" leave

7. Right Click and Inspect Element (Q) on random sites

8. Cheap, unnecessary online buys

9. Binge-watch session on Weekdays

...and that one simple pleasure - a calming head massage with warm coconut oil.

I have a pretty common first name (or given name as it is called at some places). It’s so common that even the movie characters with my name have rarely had any significant part to play. I believed my surname was uncommon, making the combination unique. But I was wrong with my assumption – boy there are so many Amit Gawande’s out there on Facebook, the “universal phonebook”. Yo namesake morons, why are you still using that app?

The names from European countries always fascinate me ¹. Every name sounds so unique. And has such a complex tone to it – it’s new every time I hear it. And if I think I’ve already heard it, they adorn the spelling with an extra “z”. Fantastic!

Having a common first name sucks. Having it end with an equally common surname sucks more. Good luck getting high up the search results list ². I dread creating my account on any new service that is launched. I rarely get a username with just my first name – there is already a developer building that bloody service. With surname? Nah. With the first letter of surname? Nah. With a number or underscore in there? Yep, that’s what you get.

That also the reason why I respect the service where I could get that username with just my first name. Uhm!

Of course, if your aim in life is just to get lost in the crowd, be not know or just be, have a common name. But who wants that? Right? RIGHT?

---

1. Not English names though – why won’t you patch up your relationship already. It will save us other worlders the effort of clarifying this every time. I know, I know. As if you ever gave a shit about what we thought. Sigh! ↩︎

2. Yep, am not pure. I do Google my name often. As if you don’t. Bruh! That’s also another reason why I love DuckDuckGo – I am the “top” Amit Gawande amongst all other suckers out there. ↩︎

I’ve got a few minor (?) feature requests for Micro.blog hosting based on my limited experience with the service. I think these features will further heighten and simplify the experience.

1. I wish the edit buttons were available on the posts in the timeline, for example, right next to the remove option. The availability of the remove option makes me believe the context is already available. Also, I understand an option to edit the original posts from blogs not hosted by Micro.blog might be tricky, but I hope Manton finds some simple solution, as he usually does.
2. I believe the edit for the replies is far simpler in comparison and should really avoid all the hoops one has to go through today, just for minor fixes.
3. Just the way, the whole site can be archived to GitHub automatically, I wish the custom theme can be too. It would help to track all the changes being made to the site design. Without the option, I need to manually set up and check-in the changes to the repository. And given how easy it is to update the custom theme from the browser, it just feels natural to allow backing up the theme as a git repository.
4. Currently, the spell checks and Grammarly plugin does not work in the post drafting textarea. I am not yet sure why, but it makes the posts very prone to errors.
5. This is way down the list (literally), but I wish the drafts are auto-saved while composing longer posts. I do not want to lose a draft just because I closed a window by mistake.

Possibly these items are already on Manton’s backlog list but just aren’t prioritized. In which case, here’s an added vote for these features.

That sentiment is a lot stronger for me in today's times of a pandemic that spreads by touching any of the open holes on a human's face. I'm tensed anytime I'm to touch my own face these days, especially if I don't have a hand wash or sanitizer around. I hate this crazy, fucking virus.

You can stop eating particular meat or can boil & reboil the water before drinking it. You can kill all the mosquitos around or have yourself bathed in repellant. But how the fuck do you not touch your own face? That's like asking your kid to not put herself in harm's way - she invariably will.

Anyway, with the bottled up frustration out of the way, my dislike for shopping for deodorant isn't new. So much so that it's no longer just a harmless dislike, it's a feeling of extreme hate. How the hell do you decide if a deodorant is good or not? I don't know how it's done at other places, but here in India, trying out a fragrance from a tester pack is pretty common while shopping for a deodorant. Everybody does it. Everybody apparent can do it. Except me. I never learned how to keep the fragrances separate. Once I've tried two, everything smells the same to my picky nose - you might as well make me smell the water and still get a comment from me after that.

The way-out for me earlier was that I would only try a couple and select one from those. I can't say it always works - I end up choosing one that smells the worst. Too strong or too mild or yuck. These are the only reactions I get from my family. I haven't let that affect me until now - I have managed to convince myself that no one likes how the other smells. As long as I'm happy with how I smell - or there's a complete lack of any form of smell for that matter - I was fine. So I bought whatever smelled best for me or didn't smell at all from the two I tried.

This trial for fragrances is out of the picture in the pandemic times. There just are too many logistical problems.

What's the other way then? You can for once judge a book by its cover or title, but there's no way one can judge a deodorant by its canister. I mean all fucking look the same. You can't select one because its nozzle opens up funny or the shape of the container is "different". The content isn't.

And what's with naming the fragrances? Dark Temptation, Sea Drift, Thunder Bolt, Regal Burst, Voyage. When every fragrance could be named as simply as "strong", "mild" and "mildest", fact that marketing would spend so much time and money to come up with these names makes no sense to me. How am I supposed to select between Dark Temptation and Gold Temptation?

And the money that marketing spends on the advertisement for men's deodorant must absolutely go down the drain. The only message they aim to deliver apparently is put this on and be a magnet for girls? Or be sensual? Or be "irresistible"? On the other hand, how can you even advertise for fragrance? The only thing you can say is it smells good.

Or simply strong, mild or mildest. I'm telling you, it is simple to solve this problem. Just use those names.

Anyway, I went shopping for deodorant today again. Looking at me struggling, toying around with all black canisters, the store owner pulled all the options away, kept one in front of me and said, "you will love this, sir, trust me". That won't have done it, but then he added, "you will click a picture of this and come again next time asking for this one".

Once I returned home with that deodorant, I minutely stared at my reflection in the mirror, wondering what in the way I dressed gave that store owner the feeling that I can't read English.

I enjoy reading books and essays in the humour genre the most. However, I find it extremely difficult to consistently find something funny that excites me. I look at the Goodreads recommendations for humour and all are memoir types. Or they were written a long time back. Is this genre just not explored anymore? Why do so few people write funny fiction?

Having written a few humour short stories myself, I understand that it is an extremely difficult genre to master. You can't write something that everyone will find funny. Some will like what's written, while some will consider it to be absolutely silly, or even garbage. Maybe that's the reason not many want to go through the trouble of writing something that won't find universal acceptance.

I do wonder, at times, that may be the issue is about discovery. Maybe a lot of good humour is written but I am not aware of it. If that's the case, I would like to know of them.

So what's the best humour that you have recently read, preferably something that's not memoir (because am tired of reading short essays that are only funny in parts). I would love if they are pure fiction. Or fantasy even. I am ok to read anything and everything funny. Especially in today's dire times.

If there's one positive change that the lockdown has brought into my routine, it would be that I am reading a lot more, both online essays & books. My Goodreads currently reading list is full of some wonderful books. It is a result of some intentional changes in my habit and the easy availability of a lot of free time.

I am "reading" a lot more books in their audio forms. The Audible subscription has been one of the best investments. I enjoy listening to books as I am doing other tasks. Be it the regular household choir or exercising. So if I am thoroughly involved in a book, it clearly shows in my walk/run times. I would go on long walks just to "read" more.

Additionally, I have since long stopped carrying my mobile phone with me - rather I keep my Kindle around. I always take it along as I move through my routine. This is my observation when I had first started following this habit a while back.

I take my kindle, walk to my balcony or to my terrace or to the garden and settle there. Without my phone. Or my iPad. Anyone needs my attention, they have to come and fetch me. And I realised I was back to being more earnest while reading.

This holds even today. So whenever my mind reaches out for some getaway, it's the list of books that is accessible. Not some social media feed. Or emails. No risk of doom-scrolling.

I have also realized that I can't read only one book at a time. What I want to read depends on a lot many external factors. My mood, the weather, what and who am surrounded by, the thoughts my mind is full of. So I have a list of 10 books that I am reading at any given time based on these factors. And I don't hold myself to add another to the list if none of these excites me some time.

Being a completionist has been a habit that I was proud of one time; that's not the case any more. If a book is unable to hold my attention, I will stop reading it. I will skip chapters if it is non-fiction to see if there's any other chapter that interests me. There are more pages that we can eagerly turn than there are minutes that we can breathe. Don't touch a book that doesn't keep you excited to turn to the next page.

Through some wonderful recommendations from folks I have learnt to trust now, I came across this brilliant mystery series featuring one of the most likeable characters I have read, Rabbi Small. I enjoy reading mystery as a genre the most - in that whodunit has a special place in my mind. It is the most difficult genre to write effectively.

This short read falls in the category that Agatha Christie had mastered -- the story unravels itself for both the reader and the central characters together. Everything is laid out in front of the reader with nothing being held back by the "intelligent" detective. I hate the I-knew-it-all-along sort of twists. The mysteries that don't employ such ploys can leave you with satisfaction that is of the highest order.

It is not the underlying mystery that charmed me though. It is the sincere presentation of Jewish culture in a small-town community of Barnard's Crossing, notwithstanding the humorous undertone that author Harry Kemelman maintains throughout. I loved the setting of the lovable town and the characters big and small - I connected with each one of them. I enjoyed the discussions that David Small gets into every now and then, for that matter right from the get-go when he untangles the middling mystery of a broken vehicle with his simple, basic yet effective method of listening. I knew right away that I was in for an enjoyable ride.

This is an intelligent book with a common, sincere central character. He is not the only intelligent being around - each supporting character is important and equally worthy. I loved Rabbi Small's bantering with Chief Lanigan on topics both related and unrelated to the mystery. The later, equally smart, is not there just to hear the detective unravel the mystery towards the end. He is involved too. In that manner, this book is special.

I haven't been this engaged while reading a book, or to find what happens next since a long time now. And I don't remember the last time when I rushed to pick the second book in the series this soon. I think it was when I read Christie for the first time.

I would recommend this to anyone interested in a light, cosy mystery and is ok to not be held up in the cleverness of the plot or presentation. The simplicity, then, will win you over.

★★★★

I felt very close to the rain today. I don't like to get drenched in a downpour. Or to get damp in a drizzle. As a child, I used to sit at the edge of the veranda and watch the rain play its games. I did that again today after a long, long time.

The clouds gave way to a slight drizzle and eventually burst into an angry downpour. I slumped into the swing chair in the veranda and grinned as the wind lead the stream of raindrops as part of their lovely waltz. I instinctively stretched out my leg to the rain in the hope that nature's playfulness on show rubbed onto me.

It did; I felt calm, devoid of the stress that I had become so habitual to recently. I experienced a general sense of clarity within, but I wasn't thinking about anything specific. A numbness of mind that moves you meaningfully? I wish I could better word this paradox.

My recent lifestyle of the bustling metropolis has made me ignorant. When it rained, I hid behind glass with the raindrops furiously colliding against it. But then they dejectedly glided down. Not today. I let them touch me, heal me today.

I went casual shopping today. I didn't dress up as I would normally do whenever I go out in my hometown. How I look as I go outside does not matter to me much these days. Anyway, all I had to shop for was some groceries and a few ointments.

The way I looked today was fine for the larger town I have settled in. Rather the shabbier I dress up, greater the respect I gain from a store owner. Or so I believe. This theory fails royally in my comparatively smaller hometown.

As expected, I was consciously ignored by the store owners and the attendants. I, then, asked for a specific item, a Himalaya - a well-known Indian brand - face cream. I returned the Himalaya face gel asking for the cream variant. And it is then that they called me "sir". 

This incident repeated itself at another store. My shabby attire made everyone attending in the store to ignore me. I then asked for a lip balm of from Nivea. I returned the strawberry flavoured one he hesitantly handed me and asked for a variant that's especially for men. It is then that they called me "sir".

I have realized over the years (and from the sheer amount of effort my dad puts in dressing up just to go out of the main door) that it matters here how you present yourself outside - especially in shops as a customer. However, if a shabby looking attire makes the store owners and attendants ignore you, the specificity of your wants makes you special.

I recently watched Free Solo, 1917 and Greyhound. Here are my thoughts.

Free Solo

This was such a thrilling documentary. I have rarely used that adjective for a documentary. But this one is so very different. I cannot fathom someone's possession for their passion can blind them to the risks rather conspicuous to the rest. I was aware of the free soloing as a form of climbing. What took me by surprise was the level of planning that goes into the preparation. In hindsight, it was foolish of me to think that wasn't the case, that the act was spontaneous.

1917

I can't think of a better way to captures the immediacy of war than how Sam Mendes does with 1917. The single-take narration grips one right from the beginning and never lets off even for a moment. I was with the characters throughout their journey, feeling their anxiety, their pain. I entered every new terrain, turned every dark corner equally uneasy. What Mendes and his cinematographer Roger Deakins manage to achieve is absolute brilliance. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and was left gasping by the end. A cinematic masterpiece.

Greyhound

Another war flick that, sure, aimed to be different. A fast-paced action thriller about battleships is not very common. However, the economical 75 minutes of the runtime itself felt too long. The fights felt repetitive and with no other thread to hold the plot together, it was easy to skip over. Tom Hanks sells the character though. However, I am tired now of seeing him play the perfect guy. He needs to play some grey characters now, someone with a few flaws.

Bonus - Quarantine Special

I also finally watched the Quarantine special episode of Mythic Quest. This is the best show on Apple TV+, period. And this special episode was exactly what I needed now -- an understanding of what I and most of us are going through in current times. What's commendable is that it does so without giving up on the hilarity. As the episode came to the climax, it had me jumping with momentary joy. With my eyes full of happy, hopeful tears and my fists clenched, [spoiler alert] I joined Ian to shout out loud "Fuck you Coronavirus".

I recently wanted to attempt meditation again. I have already tried getting into a habit of regular meditation sessions many times before this. However, as always, even this time, I couldn't go through the sessions for any significant duration of time. I can't seem to understand what I am missing.

Maybe my mind is just not wired to be able to get something out of the process. Or maybe my surrounding, my current lifestyle is too chaotic to lend me space, the time to meditate. Thoughts always rush into my mind. From work. From home. From things done well. From things not yet done. I would never get into the zone where I am listening to my breathing. Maybe I am just too distracted within.

And the fact that meditation can probably help me overcome that inattention is also why it is even more frustrating that I can't appreciate this practice. I have heard many people claim how meditation calms their mind. Get the clarity of thoughts. Focus. So I feel this can help me be not this distracted. But then while I am meditating, I feel helpless to control how my mind wanders around.

I have tried multiple apps. I have tried guided sessions. Nothing seems to help. At times, I am even judging the voice that guides me. And I just sigh in disappointment.

I had heard CGP Grey talk about a similar experience in one of the episodes of Hello Internet where he just can't get himself to meditate.

I gave meditation a real try. It's not that I hate it. It's not that it's hard. It's just that my brain does not want to do this. It's really pushing back.

I was nodding incessantly as Grey spoke about his frustration of not being able to appreciate the benefits of meditation. I feel equally frustrated when I hear someone talk about how the sessions leave them more mindful, more relaxed. It just doesn't do it for me.