Excursions

First thought one may get is what this title really mean. Truly speaking not something amazingly mind blogging. But I just kept scratching my bum over searching for the right word which i hardly could. So just replaced it with something sensefull and thought who cares. After all thats how new words are born and as an ardent user of English language its my even responsibility to add to its vast sea of gibberishes.

Ahh so backing to the topic, recently i heard about this CMM5 quality guru and an incident that happened with him. Forgive me I am bad at remembering the names. But anyways how does that really matter what you call him. In my senses lets say Mr D . This supposedly techie guy used to resurrect the importance of quality in software projects. It so happened that D had this kiddish habit of forcing his listeners into some situations and then try screw them when they answer. However this time around he promoted himself to a sadistic charm. He had a group of project leads as his listeners. Yawny as they always are, Mr D put them into a bit of critical situation. Here goes the conversation, obviously a spicy virtual one:

Mr D: Suppose you are boarding an aircraft which is a fully high tech one with Auto Pilot system, lights running all around, virtual air hostesses of shape and size of your choices. But the catch here is the whole software running is developed by your project group. There are no parachutes or any kind of emergency exit system. So in case your software fails, you rest in peace in your cosy container. Choice is yours; board the plane or pain your board.

Leads by now were pulled back to their senses. Seeing there life at stake, everyone hesitated to even walk in the aircraft. Their minds were running on a track somewhat as: "What the heck. Dude am least comfortable with aircrafts running with software developed by these geeks under me. Who knows these bastards left some untied piece inside. I don't understand a shit and they don't give a damn." Actually speaking, Mr D was bubbling inside as this was his chance of scoring goal on quality. But suddenly a hand rose. Not only D but every single 'D'umbo inside was shocked.

Mr D: Buddy lemme get it clear. Is it some kind of joke or you really are that confident. Dude this isn't something what i expected. Tell me how are you so confident with your team. What do you run for so much quality control. Speak up before everyone leaves this room and rush to book a call with you.
The One(cool and yawny as always): Cool down man. Am least worried to board the aircraft. And I know nothing is gonna happen to me. Rather I am not gonna go anywhere. Just for the simple reason that if the aircraft is build by my team, it can never take off. Engines would never kick off."

Just a midget silence and the whole room roared up into a huge burst of laughter. It got virtually transfered to a ball room where no one except performer cares how he perform. Mr D needed hardly anything to prove his point.

This whole lack of quality confidus (got something to do with confidence, but i though thats not the perfect word ;) may rise to a level which would lead to a new breed of IT conversations. I am dressing it up. It would rise soon. Something by the name: Programmer's Panico !!! Do hook up.

A drowsy Friday afternoon. One sits at his desk, gazing at his clock arms strolling round its face. Just when he is completely down; about to dream his imaginations, a sudden buzz of "Hi" rises at the south-east end of his desktop. A smile props up at his face thinking 'Thanks buddy for a bit of relief'. And suddenly something happens and he, the savior, is gone with his work done. You sit there stunned, trying to grasp what really stormed out. But plain abortive attempts! Incidents like these have happened with me many times now. Just another similar incident and i thought there is an exigent need to decrypt what the incoming messages really mean. So here i am penning down meanings of just a few abrupt messages which i have been decoding for quite sometime now ...

HI (all caps) - "Look here u idiot... am too busy unlike u"
hi - "am bored like hell ... and its a command u should talk to me. Anyways everyone knows how much work you do .... lol!!!"
hi ... rut or u there- "reply soon u dumb... am in hurry and have some important work for you"
what's up or kya chal raha hain - "i am least interested in what you reply, but for formality. and even i know your answer is going to be the same ... 'am fine' "
thankxx - "am done with my work .... don't expect any more messages after this"
uhhhh - "go to hell"
hhahha - "buddy i have to run ... ok ok .. that was good ... stop it for haven's sake now"
hmmmm - "my mind's empty now boss ... have nothing sensible to say.. "
ok ok bye - "thats the last statement from me dude. nothing here after; even if u keep shouting your stomach out"
abe sun %$%^* - usual entry statement by a member of RandomBots

These are just a few messages which i was somehow able to demystify. May be not always do they convey the same meaning as stated. But then it goes for any decoded stuff boss. It's meaning is not always what it is decoded as. However, there are many others which are enthusiastically popping to get naked. But they just keep fluctuating there meanings even more often than Sachin Tendulkar's form. I am working part-time to decrypt those. Truly speaking, without really getting paid. Or am I? ;)

Just a sec. Look at the listener boss. He is a mere dozing reader enthralled completely into what the slide pukes at him. Numerous occasions throughout my student as well as professional life, have I confronted such expressions myself. On several other occasions, i made others to peep that expression at me. Yes indeed powerpoint slides are the presenters buddy. But there is a way how powerpoints slides are not to be made and if they are, be ready for a fun ride with a very few drooling listeners who are either unluckily close enough to you or not in enough senses to flee as remainders did.

Watch the following hilarious video "Life After Death by PowerPoint" by "Don McMillan" and one gigglingly gets into the groove of what not to do in powerpoints.

1) Greenview, a hospital in Jakassandra area, was named so because of the view a person sees when he peeps out of a window, irrespective of the side he is on. In the front, a dark green gutter with water bubbling and scenting its way forward, welcomes him. Behind he sees a rock solid demented garbage. Numerous occasions has BMC tried to move it, but thanks to its insane determination, the garbage continues to zero all the BMC's efforts. Either sides provide a deserted plot, green as they are, all credit to the numerous organisms decomposing 'em off. So thanks to the hospital management's endeavors, patients have something to green about. Finally, thats what he requires the most.

2) A shop-keeper on Hosur road has his shop named *7%^& (this is something in Kannada, so couldn't understand that. A humble call, not to be misinterpreted with its usual meaning :D) Tnasportions. I feel, he just wanted to make it clear what his shop was about. Because he felt not everyone can make sense of something in Kannada. But English, boss its a universal language. I am still waiting to see it unclosed one day. Curious as i am about his work.

3) Auto and truck drivers are really eager to know how a person following him looks; does he deserve following him or not. So a simple solution they found was to write "Stop" at their bum. Now, dignified persons as they are, they face a problem. After all, who likes others staring at their posterior. So what they do is just add an "OK" tag to tell, "Enough gazing my rear boss."

Enough answering unquestioned questions. There are few more answers waiting to burst out of my mind. But as of now, I am busy slanting my mind to digest these first.