Excursions

Another random crawl through the web brought me to this interesting fact. It seems it really is a big riddle to find a solution for. I mean look at the riddle. It does ring a bell for an ardent Hindi movie buff. (won't call it Bollywood!!! Though am not sure why, but as they say some things are better unexplained. May be a bit Patriotic feeling, which pops up every now and then).

A famous dialog from the movie “Chupke Chupke” starring Dharmendra and Amitabh. “Gende Ka Ful Ful Ho kar bhi ful kyun nahi hain?” starts guffawing into the ear.

By the way here goes the main story:

"A riddle: When is a kilogram that is no longer a kilogram still a kilogram?

Answer: When the chunk of metal that serves as the official international standard for the kilogram, under triple lock-and-key in France since 1889, inexplicably sheds a little weight.Very little, though. The cylinder of platinum and iridium, sitting under three concentric glass bells like a metallic round of goat’s cheese, is 50 micrograms lighter than the average of several dozen copies."

Weighty mystery: kilo standard sheds 50 micrograms - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

As a follow-up to an earlier post titled 'Quality Confidus', here goes another one. The theme for this was bubbling in my mind right from the day this lack of confidence for quality came to my notice. But the world is too full with nonsensical stuff to let you think about anything else. So this time round just closed my thought radar and blogged this post first.

So the story goes like this. This whole lack of confidence among the software programmers and managerial "stuff" makes me wonder how really a programmers life is (Are managers really human? Am a bit skeptic about this fact. So let us call them stuff for now). I mean, thanks to this whole Bug-Raga that rings in their ears day round, the time is not far when we may see a conversation sort as follows:

SP2: What the heck? Are you serious?
SP1: Yeah man. I am really worried now. And confused too! Really i don't know how this happened
SP2: Did you try resolving the issue. I mean try adding some stubs in code dude.
SP1: Did everything buddy. But its still the same. I don't know what will Emailo say. (Emailo is the manager 'stuff'. I hope it does ring some bells)
SP2: Yeah. You have to work on this crisis. No one else can help and you know that. By the way what were you trying to do?
SP1: See nothing complex of sort. I had to blah blah blah. So what i did was i created a class extending blah and implementing blah with blah method overridden. Then i created a static object for blah blah blah.... (Thats what SP2 interpreted)
SP2: Ya got that. Dude that indeed is not that complex (Thats called Geekology!!!). I know you will resolve this soon. But lemme tell you one thing. You have to come out of this mess soon. Because Emailo will think otherwise that you are not giving your 100% (Though everyone knows thats the truth. I mean if i give work 100%, how will social networking and IM's pull through).
SP1: I know buddy.
SP2: But i am still baffled yaar. How can your Code run at the first go dude! Thats completely unimaginable!!! I would just say try a bit of "Re-bugging". My best wishes are with you dude
SP1: Thanks pal. By the way, do you know of any free downloadable "Rebuggers"!!!

PS: Here though SP is supposed to stand for a "Software Programmer". But i feel there is another signifying expansion explaining condition of this Entity: Shoddy 'n Pitiable!!!

Thats tagged as: humor programming software

Been on watch for something interesting. And there came two strolling down. Its like asking for Halle and earning Serena and Venus together. But anyways as i have got them now, let me show some respect to both.

So crawling round the web I came across two interesting stories. Everything has to do with the mind blogging and ever growing globally warmed issue(/fiasco??) of global warming. I feel scientist are too bored to pull out new points to discuss when everything has really been cut open. There are few great "humanophobic"s who really are after the human race to end themselves, so that there future generations can live long in peace (Quite weird huh. Where the heck will future generation fall from? As far as my knowledge goes, technology there with Souls hasn't reached the height to pull out humans from themselves. Or has it? Don't think so). While there are other mankind lovers who just believe that we, the humans, can never trouble others (pretty optimistic boss). So there go the stories possibly scripted by these mankind maniacs.

Let us look at the first one. Its about the failed interstate bridge over the Mississippi River. The inspectors believe that pigeons played a tantamount role in bringing it down along with heavy traffic, missing bolts and cracking steel. It seems these fatty pigeons out there in Mississippi go on and on shitting along the bridge, that too without wearing diapers, thinking it to be the government provided pigeon-open latrines. And its this dung that corroded the bridge and made it weaker killing tens. Chances are that this dung will kill many others at different locations. So its the pigeons who torture and trouble others and not the human. Man-kind maniacs score one. Catch the story here:

The second story directly hits the bulls eye at global warming. Some scientists believe now that cows may act as the protagonists in the global warming saga. (Dude, are you bored with humans now. Or are you trying to cash on the fact that there are no scientists or bloggers in cow fraternity?) It is believed that as a cow burps, she throws out the methane gas, a powerful greenhouse agent (this name always makes me jump in my seat. Those bloody gases have got quite interesting name. Lucky them!!!). Have a look at the story:

If you go through the report closely, there is one thing that will amaze every sensible man. And it is present in any report these days. Look at the height of depth (crazy isn't it???) the statistics go. 100 gallons of methane per cow per day and so on. Am really skeptic as to how they dig this data out. I mean, dude, 1 burp each 40 seconds? Uhhh give me a break.

Anyways these stories may seem rather amusing and ludicrous. But they can affect the lives of these two cow-pigeon fraternity. Think how would be the environment out there among these poor buddies. And as i become a bit time-filled brat again, i surely will.

Thats tagged as: global warming humor

Been "off-post" for quite a long time now. Spent some heavily burdensome days for the last month or so. Really felt it was like a CD crash at a perfect and best scene you have been drooling for. Anyways a nice break at home and am back to normal. Hopefully there are no crashes so forth.

This post is warm-up swing. Had lots of ideas bubbling around, but just couldn't manage to pen them down. Wish i had the Dumbledore's random magical pensive so that i could just stroll down the memory lane and pick up the thought pebbles (though truly speaking i couldn't visualized that silvery stuff as something from brain. Ya, my nose did give a jerk on its reference). So back to the post from my slippery (!!!) thoughts, following is my attempt to bring out how indeed the independence day holiday is celebrated. My degree of independence on the day was surely not one to be rejoiced. That pain was enough to bring out this abnormal print out.

P.S.: I know this damn is not readable, virtually i mean. Just click it to zoom in. Hope it gets readable, not just virtually :D

There has always been this indelible discussion to find out what makes all these successful corporates and biggies attain the status they hold. Be it Google, Apple, Ubuntu or Microsoft. One question would be why just these four? I would say they lead where they are. Anyways a general consensus is formed over work ethics and culture and innovation and customer satisfaction and blah blah blah. But I feel the reason lies somewhere in the logo they hold. I thought if that was really the case, then one can surely see a statement from each of these biggies as follows:

Google: "Dude logos are important. We have a special group assigned for that. Moreover there is a daily 2% 'Logo time' for each employee. Look at our color combination. Look at its display. Look how we repeat the colors. Look how letters flow. Look at their inclinations. Buddy, thats the secret behind our success."

Apple (after iPhone): "Obviously man. Do you think we don't take logos seriously. We spend millions of dollars over deciding what colors to choose, what shape to choose. Look at our logo. See the shape of the apple, the leaf. Look how just a single bite is out of that", with more of a sadistic smile "as if ready to eat Microsoft up. Buddy, thats the secret behind our success."

Ubuntu: "Boss, do you think we are mad to neglect importance of logos? We build our softwares afterward. First thing is to decide upon the logo. We make each member of open source community to come up with his own version and select best through voting. Look at the delicate design formed. Look at the font used. Look at the curves. Buddy, thats the secret behind our success."

Microsoft (after Vista): "Obviously man. Do you think we are mad to neglect importance of logos? Dude logos are important. We have a special group assigned for that. We build our softwares afterward. First thing is to decide upon the logo. We spend millions of dollars over deciding what colors to choose, what shape to choose. Look at our color combination. Look at its display. Look at the delicate design formed. Look at the font used. Look at the curves."

One guy with zero credibility senselessly stands up and puts a sensible question. "Sir, sorry to interrupt you. But whatever you are saying is a simple amalgamation of what Google, Apple and Ubuntu say. That is a copy from different sources."

In comes the reply from Microsoft guy, in the coolest possible way: "Buddy, thats the secret behind our success."

[PS: The above situation is completely a virtual (truth). No hard feelings intended. Yes but if someone does get hurt, I would just say one thing: "Go to hell".]

Thats tagged as: microsoft humor

First thought one may get is what this title really mean. Truly speaking not something amazingly mind blogging. But I just kept scratching my bum over searching for the right word which i hardly could. So just replaced it with something sensefull and thought who cares. After all thats how new words are born and as an ardent user of English language its my even responsibility to add to its vast sea of gibberishes.

Ahh so backing to the topic, recently i heard about this CMM5 quality guru and an incident that happened with him. Forgive me I am bad at remembering the names. But anyways how does that really matter what you call him. In my senses lets say Mr D . This supposedly techie guy used to resurrect the importance of quality in software projects. It so happened that D had this kiddish habit of forcing his listeners into some situations and then try screw them when they answer. However this time around he promoted himself to a sadistic charm. He had a group of project leads as his listeners. Yawny as they always are, Mr D put them into a bit of critical situation. Here goes the conversation, obviously a spicy virtual one:

Mr D: Suppose you are boarding an aircraft which is a fully high tech one with Auto Pilot system, lights running all around, virtual air hostesses of shape and size of your choices. But the catch here is the whole software running is developed by your project group. There are no parachutes or any kind of emergency exit system. So in case your software fails, you rest in peace in your cosy container. Choice is yours; board the plane or pain your board.

Leads by now were pulled back to their senses. Seeing there life at stake, everyone hesitated to even walk in the aircraft. Their minds were running on a track somewhat as: "What the heck. Dude am least comfortable with aircrafts running with software developed by these geeks under me. Who knows these bastards left some untied piece inside. I don't understand a shit and they don't give a damn." Actually speaking, Mr D was bubbling inside as this was his chance of scoring goal on quality. But suddenly a hand rose. Not only D but every single 'D'umbo inside was shocked.

Mr D: Buddy lemme get it clear. Is it some kind of joke or you really are that confident. Dude this isn't something what i expected. Tell me how are you so confident with your team. What do you run for so much quality control. Speak up before everyone leaves this room and rush to book a call with you.
The One(cool and yawny as always): Cool down man. Am least worried to board the aircraft. And I know nothing is gonna happen to me. Rather I am not gonna go anywhere. Just for the simple reason that if the aircraft is build by my team, it can never take off. Engines would never kick off."

Just a midget silence and the whole room roared up into a huge burst of laughter. It got virtually transfered to a ball room where no one except performer cares how he perform. Mr D needed hardly anything to prove his point.

This whole lack of quality confidus (got something to do with confidence, but i though thats not the perfect word ;) may rise to a level which would lead to a new breed of IT conversations. I am dressing it up. It would rise soon. Something by the name: Programmer's Panico !!! Do hook up.

A drowsy Friday afternoon. One sits at his desk, gazing at his clock arms strolling round its face. Just when he is completely down; about to dream his imaginations, a sudden buzz of "Hi" rises at the south-east end of his desktop. A smile props up at his face thinking 'Thanks buddy for a bit of relief'. And suddenly something happens and he, the savior, is gone with his work done. You sit there stunned, trying to grasp what really stormed out. But plain abortive attempts! Incidents like these have happened with me many times now. Just another similar incident and i thought there is an exigent need to decrypt what the incoming messages really mean. So here i am penning down meanings of just a few abrupt messages which i have been decoding for quite sometime now ...

HI (all caps) - "Look here u idiot... am too busy unlike u"
hi - "am bored like hell ... and its a command u should talk to me. Anyways everyone knows how much work you do .... lol!!!"
hi ... rut or u there- "reply soon u dumb... am in hurry and have some important work for you"
what's up or kya chal raha hain - "i am least interested in what you reply, but for formality. and even i know your answer is going to be the same ... 'am fine' "
thankxx - "am done with my work .... don't expect any more messages after this"
uhhhh - "go to hell"
hhahha - "buddy i have to run ... ok ok .. that was good ... stop it for haven's sake now"
hmmmm - "my mind's empty now boss ... have nothing sensible to say.. "
ok ok bye - "thats the last statement from me dude. nothing here after; even if u keep shouting your stomach out"
abe sun %$%^* - usual entry statement by a member of RandomBots

These are just a few messages which i was somehow able to demystify. May be not always do they convey the same meaning as stated. But then it goes for any decoded stuff boss. It's meaning is not always what it is decoded as. However, there are many others which are enthusiastically popping to get naked. But they just keep fluctuating there meanings even more often than Sachin Tendulkar's form. I am working part-time to decrypt those. Truly speaking, without really getting paid. Or am I? ;)

Just a sec. Look at the listener boss. He is a mere dozing reader enthralled completely into what the slide pukes at him. Numerous occasions throughout my student as well as professional life, have I confronted such expressions myself. On several other occasions, i made others to peep that expression at me. Yes indeed powerpoint slides are the presenters buddy. But there is a way how powerpoints slides are not to be made and if they are, be ready for a fun ride with a very few drooling listeners who are either unluckily close enough to you or not in enough senses to flee as remainders did.

Watch the following hilarious video "Life After Death by PowerPoint" by "Don McMillan" and one gigglingly gets into the groove of what not to do in powerpoints.

1) Greenview, a hospital in Jakassandra area, was named so because of the view a person sees when he peeps out of a window, irrespective of the side he is on. In the front, a dark green gutter with water bubbling and scenting its way forward, welcomes him. Behind he sees a rock solid demented garbage. Numerous occasions has BMC tried to move it, but thanks to its insane determination, the garbage continues to zero all the BMC's efforts. Either sides provide a deserted plot, green as they are, all credit to the numerous organisms decomposing 'em off. So thanks to the hospital management's endeavors, patients have something to green about. Finally, thats what he requires the most.

2) A shop-keeper on Hosur road has his shop named *7%^& (this is something in Kannada, so couldn't understand that. A humble call, not to be misinterpreted with its usual meaning :D) Tnasportions. I feel, he just wanted to make it clear what his shop was about. Because he felt not everyone can make sense of something in Kannada. But English, boss its a universal language. I am still waiting to see it unclosed one day. Curious as i am about his work.

3) Auto and truck drivers are really eager to know how a person following him looks; does he deserve following him or not. So a simple solution they found was to write "Stop" at their bum. Now, dignified persons as they are, they face a problem. After all, who likes others staring at their posterior. So what they do is just add an "OK" tag to tell, "Enough gazing my rear boss."

Enough answering unquestioned questions. There are few more answers waiting to burst out of my mind. But as of now, I am busy slanting my mind to digest these first.